My life has been a bit of a whirlwind. Words have been both friends and enemies and cancer is just AWFUL. My dad was diagnosed with stage 3 bladder cancer shortly before his birthday in February. It’s been quite a roller coaster. A shock to both our systems and there are ‘daze’. Literally days where I find myself engulfed in the throws of chemo and statistics and a man that faintly resembles my father. In a way it’s been a blessing. I never realized how much I loved him until cancer showed up. I’ve had to question my existence, my ‘who am I with my parents’ mode as my mother has had health issues as well. There are some days I feel less artist more child. I’m learning to juggle both and to FEEL, without any distractions are external meditation on comfort food or any other vices.
One of my favorite motivational speakers once said, pain means to Pay Attention Inward Now. Cancer has certainly gotten mine. In this moment I have come to conclusion that I can choose to believe cancer or God, and personally for me. I choose God. Goodnight.
I’ve loved her since I was 5, cinnamon brown girl with hazel eyes. Features similar to mine, she was my friend, my sister, my cousin. In my mind that’s how she’ll always be, outside of her six foot status, numerous tattoos and rugged army exterior she’s still Tess.
Star basketball player, single mother at 12, I could never truly know her strength. I’ve admired from a distance, the older cousin going through my own drama but always thinking and hoping praying for the best. Her decisions I didn’t always understand, some views I didn’t support but HER. I’ve always had her back even if far away, in whispered prayers for her safety in the darkness as she served our country, as she struggled to bring championships to her team. I’ve always loved her. Somewhere on a dusty road in Duck Hill, MS we’re still little kids, me trying to carry her across, her failing and landing on her head, the bandage that ensued, the heartache of hurting one I love and forgiveness for trying to carry a load not meant for a 5 year old.
In her eyes, I’ve always found myself reflected. Hazel pools that changed with outfits, that have seen and embraced a different lifestyle from mine. That I don’t understand and don’t have too. My mission in this life has always been to love her, and support her. For she is my sister and my family and she’s found love in the arms of another woman.
Leery as I am of anyone having her heart, I realize that it’s not my responsibility. Not my journey to attempt to carry a load far bigger than my arms lest I drop her again. Instead, I place her in the arms of the heavenly father that made us both, grab my camera in support and capture the love she’s found with another and not the sex behind it.
It’s a New Year. We’ve survived the Mayan Apocolypse, and lived to fight another day. Hip Hip Hooray! Instead of tackling a year of resolutions, I’ve decided to take 30 days. Yes, just 30 days…fearless! I will make decisions without fear for 30 days and silence my inner critic…for 30 days. Afterwards, I’ll reevaluate my progress musketry something new again…for 30 days. I invite you to do the same. P.S.I’m typing on an older iPad, typos are my gift to you.
So in 30 days lets meet up and see what we’ve accomplished. Deal?
I couldn’t begin to review everything that has happened to this year, to being nominated Best New Business to winning our first national award together. This year has had both highs and lows but God it has been such a blessing. Thank you all! And stay tuned for the New Year.
Here’s the book cover and promotional graphic for our show.
Sorry guys, the last post was a test. I’m trying to get ready for our upcoming show Combat Boots & High Heels, it will be held at the MS Arts Center on September 8-26th. The grand opening is that night from 6 to 8 pm. It has required a ton of work and expenses. We initially started a Kickstarter, but we ran out of steam when it started to kick so we didn’t get any of the funds. Here’s the campaign below in case you missed it.
I hope everyone is doing well and thanks as always for your support.